JAMILA MUSAYEVA
ETIQUETTE
AS A HERITAGE
Jamila’s
journey toward a career in etiquette consulting began in her early years,
nurtured by her multicultural background in Baku, Azerbaijan. Raised in a
family that valued multilingualism and international exposure, she was
encouraged to explore the world and embrace cultural diversity. “"Traveling was a big part of our
family's ideology," she recalls. "My mom never visited the same
country twice, and she ensured that we, her children, explored as many
different cultures as possible."” Her passion for learning about other
cultures was deeply influenced by her mother, a visionary who believed in the
power of language to shape one’s understanding of the world.
“I think it's only natural that my
curiosity grew over time, eventually leading me to pursue a degree in
International Relations. I naively believed that it would expose me more to
different cultural traditions and allow me to deepen my understanding of
history. I took so many history courses in university that I ended up minoring
in it. Later, I completed my master’s in European Administration and Politics
in Belgium. It was there that I realized I didn’t want to work in the political
sphere or within the EU, or any political institution for that matter.
Instead, I wanted to align my career with my true interests—understanding
cultures, traditions, languages, and the reasons behind people’s behaviors.
That’s what ultimately led me to etiquette.”
Following her degree, Jamila taught
at the Azerbaijan Diplomatic Academy (ADA), where she focused on European Union
relations and the importance of soft skills in diplomacy. While teaching, she
noticed a significant gap in the curriculum: many students, though highly
intelligent and academically accomplished, lacked the essential social skills
required for effective communication in formal settings. “I really would think a lot of students and
colleges would benefit from etiquette classes because most people are
academically adept, but very few people are socially skilled and are able to
represent themselves in the best possible light. But they must, particularly,
if they are working in the diplomatic field and representing their country.”
she reflects. This realization prompted Jamila to pursue a formal certification
in etiquette from the International Etiquette and Protocol School in London.
Today, she is an expert in her field, offering consultation and training to
individuals, schools, and businesses. Her work focuses on teaching people how
to present themselves with confidence, navigate formal occasions, and
communicate effectively in a multicultural world.
Etiquette is a concept that has
continuously evolved to match the shifting tides of society, and in today’s
digital world, the evolution is perhaps more apparent than ever. While the art
of face-to-face interaction remains central to etiquette, the advent of
technology has introduced the need for a new set of skills: “Netiquette”. The rise of virtual
meetings, email communication, and social media has given rise to a new
etiquette—one that ensures people communicate respectfully and effectively in
online environments. “In fact, I would argue that etiquette is neither archaic
nor old-fashioned. It changes and evolves alongside society.”
For example, knowing how to craft a
professional email, how to behave in virtual meetings, and how to communicate
with respect on social media are all skills that are now integral to modern
etiquette. In particular, Jamila emphasizes the importance of tone and timing
in online communication. “Something that never existed before, like mailing
etiquette, is now a big part of etiquette courses—how to email properly, how to
communicate so that your message gets read, especially if you’re writing for
the first time and don’t know the recipient, and they don’t know you. It’s
really important to master social grace because, albeit a lot of work happens
online, there comes a moment when you meet the person in real life, and at that
point, you can no longer hide behind your screen.”
One of the key elements of Jamila’s
approach to teaching etiquette is the emphasis on cultural understanding. While
there are universal aspects of good manners—respect, politeness, kindness—the
way these values are expressed can vary greatly across cultures. In her work,
she has witnessed firsthand how misunderstandings due to cultural differences
can derail business negotiations and personal relationships.
“Etiquette is simply the
social rules of life, and it is always changing, constantly evolving, and reflecting
the reality we live in. It has changed significantly over time. Back in the
day, children were never seated at a formal dinner table with adults. They sat
separately until the age of seven, sometimes even twelve, before being allowed
at the adult table—something rarely seen in today’s world. There were times
when round tables didn’t exist; only rectangular, V-shaped, U-shaped, and
square tables were used. However, Jackie Kennedy introduced round tables to the
White House, and ever since, they have become a staple at many social galas and
formal dinners. Round tables helped eliminate hierarchy at the table.”
Things
change, and that’s perfectly natural. Etiquette evolves with these changes—or
rather, it reflects them—and new rules are written. Knowing these rules makes
life easier because you understand how to show up, what to do, what to say, and
how to present yourself in any given situation.
Jamila’s teachings help students not
only understand etiquette in theory but also learn how to navigate real-world
situations. "Etiquette is a form of
communication," she says. "The big thing that I
teach in my courses is that culture heavily influences the etiquette of a given
country. I would argue even further that it’s not just the culture of a country
but also the culture of a family. A family can be very different from the
region it lives in. For example, you might find yourself in a traditionally
Muslim country but within a family that leans more toward a liberal mindset.
Naturally, the culture of that family will be very different from the broader
culture of the country they live in. So, when you are dealing with a person,
you should not only consider their cultural background but also their own
personal culture, so to speak.”
She then gives an example of traveling to the
Middle East when the person you are dealing with is Muslim, and you would not
hand over anything with your left hand. Because, Jamila explains, in the
religion the left hand is for things that people use for hygiene so it’s considered
to be a dirtier hand. So to pass something to someone with your left
hand would be unhygienic or disrespectful, so you only use your right
hand to do so. Or if someone offers you Arabic coffee you would pick it
with your right hand and never with your left hand because that might offend
the person that is offering you coffee. Or your business card would be the same
thing if you’re working with a person from the Middle East, hand them
everything with your right hand or receive with your right hand. “So you see how etiquette is not a written
rule, I would say, but I always include it in business etiquette for people
from Western world that might not be familiar with this.”
Culture is formed as a result of religion, traditions, you
know, heritage, and etiquette is then reflected in the way the rules are
written (or unwritten) in the society.
For those new to the world of
etiquette, Jamila’s books, Etiquette: The
Least You Need to Know and The Art of
Entertaining at Home, serve as accessible guides. These books provide
practical advice on everything from hosting dinner parties to handling formal
business interactions. “When I was writing
these books I wanted to make sure that I do it as general as possible, so it’s
like a starting point for anyone who is not familiar much with etiquette, who
just wants to refresh their knowledge of etiquette, or you know it’s like a
coffee table book that you want to skim through before you’re going to formal
dinner.”
Her writing covers the essentials:
how to dress appropriately for different occasions, how to introduce yourself
in a formal setting, and how to host an event with grace. But she also stresses
that etiquette isn’t about rigidly following rules—it’s about knowing when to
adapt to a situation and when to break the norms to suit the context. “Etiquette is about feeling comfortable and
confident” she says. “The rules are
there as a guideline, but you can find your own way”
Her second book - “Afternoon Tea Etiquette” is about the
British ceremony of tea. “This etiquette
doesn’t change; it has remained the same tradition over the years. However,
there are many little nuances to keep in mind if you’re invited to an afternoon
tea. It’s very popular in the UK but also around the world, especially in
hotels that are part of UK-based chains or those that have incorporated
afternoon tea as a way of adding ceremony to an ordinary menu.
So, it’s always good to
know how to conduct yourself and how to handle afternoon tea. It was said that
the Queen would test people’s manners by inviting them for afternoon tea and
observing how they conducted themselves. You never know—you might one day find
yourself having tea with someone like the Queen!”
I’ve made sure that my books are
timeless in a way that they can work for everyone, regardless of cultural
background, and serve as an overview and general introduction to etiquette.
One of the biggest
misconceptions about etiquette is that it’s a rigid, outdated concept that
stifles individuality. According to Jamila, this stereotype stems from how
etiquette was historically taught—often in a way that made it feel like a set
of unbreakable laws. "People often
think that etiquette is conservative, robotic, and archaic," she
explains. “They believe that if you
follow etiquette, you’ll lose your natural self and become stiff or mechanical.”
For me, heritage is
really an amalgam of many different things. It is culture, it’s tradition, it
is your ancestors, it’s your roots. It’s the generations that came before you,
it is your past that shapes your present. It is etiquette as well.
So, heritage is quite important for her and she prepares a lot
of videos on Azerbaijani culture and traditions on her YouTube channel, there’s
a separate playlist actually dedicated to Azerbaijan and she likes to show to
her audience from all parts of the world the beauty of our country, the rich
culture and traditions, and amazing food and beautiful people, and she takes
pride in where she’s coming from. “Because
it’s important to acknowledge your past, your ancestors, and the people who
came before you and shaped who you are as a person. At the same time, you can
still be very modern, open to the world, and have a different lifestyle than
your parents did.
Heritage is important
to preserve and acknowledge, especially for younger generations. A great
example for me is Japan, where people don’t forget their heritage. There’s a
strong emphasis on traditions and cultural respect, yet at the same time, it’s
a highly progressive and modern country. I’d even say it lives in its own
century—almost like the 22nd century. It’s a great example of how you can have
the best of both.”
As a mother of two and a successful entrepreneur, Jamila has
learned to navigate the challenges of balancing personal and professional
commitments. “I’m fortunate to have the
flexibility of being an entrepreneur,where I can set my own schedule around my
responsibilities as a mother.” Her day begins with coordinating her
children’s schedules, making sure that their needs are met in the morning and
evening. Once they are in school, she dives into her work, dedicating time to
meetings and tasks. In the evenings, when her kids are involved in
extracurricular activities, she takes the opportunity to attend work calls or
interviews. After bedtime, she might schedule another call, especially if
working with international clients. Her entrepreneurial journey has also taught
her the importance of discipline. “Having
kids has made me much more disciplined with my time,” she reflects. “Before, I had hours to do whatever I wanted,
and I would procrastinate. Now, I have limited hours, and I make every minute
count.” Jamila embraces her role as both boss and employee, acknowledging
that her time is precious and she must stay accountable to herself. She
believes that busy people tend to get the most done. “When you’re stretched for time, the work adjusts to fit the available
window.The key is staying busy—when your schedule is full, you’ll find a way to
get everything done” she concludes.
To conclude, Jamila has grand aspirations for both her entrepreneurial journey and her
role in representing Azerbaijani culture on the global stage. Her audience has playfully dubbed her the “cultural ambassador of Azerbaijan,” a
title she holds dear, though she hopes one day it will become official. “It would be an honor for me to become a
cultural ambassador of Azerbaijan,” she expresses, sharing her vision of
promoting the beauty of her heritage globally. “I want to tell the world about our beautiful culture, our traditions,
our food, our talented artists, and our music. It would be an honor to
represent Azerbaijan in a more formal capacity abroad.”
To
order Jamila's books please visit her website : https://jamilamusayeva.com/
